did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
