she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
