The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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