He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do herpes really smell.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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