i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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