singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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