i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize