You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
