ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
