At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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