i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
