Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
