This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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