I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
