you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
