That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
