Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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