i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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