hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
