After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
