hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I look better un-naked...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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