We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
