Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
