I'm really into asian looking animals
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
