I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
