Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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