Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize