i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
