woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
