Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
