ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
