Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need help removing her.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
