Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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