Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
