Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
