I'm going to jail i love you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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