Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
