Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize