We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
