Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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