so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My cat gives me a boner
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
