Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
