my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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