For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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