dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
