The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
