I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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