so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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