Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
