Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
