I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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