i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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