Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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