So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
