So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
