end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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