I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
