It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
