im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
