Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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