I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
