Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
