Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
