if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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