I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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